See how I'll leave with every piece of you

I don't feel happy every second here. I don't feel happy every minute nor every hour; there are days when I feel down and just want to go to my bed and lay under the blankets away from the bad world, away from this different culture which is not mine yet, away from the rainy and windy weather, away from biking to school because everything always goes wrong with that, away from the people who don't always understand what I'm saying, away from having to look happy all the time, away from all the challenges the life puts on my way and I have to survive from. I don't call this homesickness because it's not that. It's something else: it's a feeling something's missing in my life. A feeling that this isn't where I belong to. A feeling when you're empty and feel nothing at all.

But then comes the day when I feel I've never been more alive. The day when I love being here and nowhere else. The day when I have my friends around me, my new friends who come from different culture than I do, from New Zealand and all around the world. The day when I go shopping or movies or to somebody's house and have so much fun, the day when we shoot fireworks in the midnight at an empty park, the day when I walk on the beach and listen to the ocean and feel calm inside, the day when I get some mail from Finland and I know that there are people waiting for me to come back, people who don't abandon me though I'm not close to them for a year, the day when I realise what I have gained, the day when the All Blacks win the rugby world cup and I am so happy and I feel a kiwi and I can only smile, the day when I stand on top of a mountain thinking I made it, the day when I look all around me in the nature and think: this is my beautiful land, the day when I see another amazing place and think wow, the day when I learn more and more about this land and the culture and realise how lucky I am to be here learning about it, the day when the sun shines and there's nothing wrong in my life and I can only smile and think: I made a bloody good decision to come here. And you know what New Zealand: see how I'll leave with every piece of you.

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